


Your Archrival,    Draco Malfoy

by QueenofThyme



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Epistolary, Harry's Birthday, Letters, M/M, Summer Holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 18:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15370314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenofThyme/pseuds/QueenofThyme
Summary: Harry's stuck at the Dursley's again for the Summer Holidays and he's sure his birthday is going to be another write-off. That is, until he begins receiving surprising letters and gifts from his self-appointed 'archrival', Draco Malfoy.





	Your Archrival,    Draco Malfoy

**Author's Note:**

> PROMPT 15  
> Username? pygmy-puffy  
> Scenario? *Draco owling over a bunch of sweet/thoughtful things over to Harry in the days leading up to his birthday cause he knows Harry has to stay with his horrible relatives over the summer, and acting as if it's a huge chore and he's super annoyed to be doing it (even though of course absolutely no one asked him and he's doing all of it of his own free will.)  
> Additions: (side pairings? special requests?)  
> Era: *Hogwarts
> 
> Hi pygmy-puffy! Thanks for inspiring me with this prompt. I feel like I went a little off course but I hope you'll enjoy it all the same. <3

**Thursday, 24th July 1997**

 

_Potter,_

_You will be surprised to receive this letter from me and I, too, am surprised to be writing it. However, hearing how awfully your aunt, uncle and cousin treat you has not sat well with me. Do not think it’s out of any concern for your welfare. I have thought long and hard about your situation and have decided these barbaric people threaten my official status as your archrival. As such, it is important to remind you how very little I think of your character._

_You’re reckless and brainless and you have stupid hair. Your school tie is always a mess – may I suggest a Windsor Knot? You’re pathetic at nonverbal spells and have absolutely zero aptitude for potion making. In short: you’re terrible._

_To demonstrate my absolute and unwavering hatred of you, I am sending with this letter a box of expired chocolates. I had been intending to throw them in the bin but then I thought Potter’s rubbish – he’ll appreciate his own kind._

_Your archrival,_

 

_Draco Malfoy_

 

* * *

 

**Friday, 25th July 1997**

 

_Potter,_

_I am not like one of your silly fans who needs no encouragement to keep writing their gaudy fan letters. I am your_ _ archrival _ – _I require an appropriate reply. It’s been 24 hours and I’ve not even received a “Fuck you.” I would appreciate if you could put more considerable effort into our rivalry._

_Since it is unclear whether you understood the wit of my last letter, I’ll explain it to you: I think you are rubbish. The chocolates I sent you, being expired, were also rubbish. Hence the clever connection. Now it’s up to you to retaliate in kind. An appropriate comment would be something snarky at the very (very) expensive brand of chocolates. You could imply I was a snob or otherwise comment derisively on my absurdly large riches. (Do I have to do everything for you?)_

_Today, I have enclosed a picture I drew of your face so you can be reminded how absolutely hideous you are. Take careful note of the detail in your scar – I spent hours getting the shading right._

_Your archrival,_

 

_Draco Malfoy_

 

* * *

  

**Friday, 25th July 1997**

 

_Malfoy,_

_What the fuck?_

 

_From Harry Potter_

_P.S. What the fuck?_

 

* * *

 

**Saturday 26th July 1997**

 

_Potter,_

_I see you have no understanding of the effort required in keeping an archrival. Your responses should be worthy of my time. I’m sure you will agree that your recent letter was not._

_Shall I explain this to you_   _again_ _? It goes like this:_

  * _I make fun of you in a witty manner_
  * _You are distraught by my insults but, nevertheless, impressed by the intelligence of them_
  * _You return in kind with a far less witty remark_
  * _I make fun of your remark in a witty manner_
  * _You are distraught and impressed, etc etc_



_This is how archrivals ought to behave in their letter correspondence. Please show some decorum and follow the script._

_Your archrival,_

 

_Draco Malfoy_

_P.S. I acknowledge it may be difficult for you to conjure up witty insults against my character so I’ve enclosed a number of photographs of myself in compromising positions. These are provided for the sole purpose of assisting your creative process. If you show anyone else, I will find another archrival to replace you – one who respects the rules of such a relationship._

 

* * *

 

  **Saturday 26th July 1997**

 

_Malfoy,_

_I’m not sure how to respond to a moving picture of you tripping up stairs. Or the one of you falling into the Great Lake. Or the one of you wearing a Gryffindor uniform. Is that my dormitory???_

_Who is taking these pictures? I can’t imagine the same person you let capture you at your worst at Hogwarts, you also let shoot that last picture of you in the bath? Seems a bit intimate. If that small pile of bubbles weren’t there..._

_What are you doing, Malfoy? I don’t get it. Why would you send me these?_

 

_From Harry_

 

* * *

 

**Sunday 27th July 1997**

 

_Potter,_

_The correct sign off is “Your archrival, Harry Potter.” Please show some respect for the delicate form of archrival letter writing._

_Do you recall how only yesterday I advised the structure our correspondence should take? I did not ask you to make silly observations about who took those photos, I asked you to fire back with a witty insult. Clearly, what you lack in wit, you make up for in extreme stupidity._

_Obviously, the bath photo was taken with a hover charm and timer on the camera. I don’t go around inviting people into my bathroom, Potter. Don’t be lewd._

_Since my last gift was not received as intended, I’ve included a few pages from the diary of my eleven-year-old self. I am sure you will find the contents immensely funny. Laugh it up – just make sure you return with something witty this time._

_Your archrival,_

 

_Draco Malfoy_

 

* * *

 

**Sunday 27th July 1997**

 

_Malfoy,_

_Why would I find it funny that you had a terrible childhood? Reading how your father treated you doesn’t make me laugh._

_What is this all about? I don’t get it. Has something happened?_

_I’m sorry about your father._

 

_From Harry_

 

* * *

  

**Monday 28th July 1997**

 

_Potter,_

_No no no no no. You’re not getting this, are you? You’re completely ruining the flow. You’re not supposed to pity me. You’re supposed to hate me. You’re supposed to detest every fibre of my being and live to make me feel worthless. You’re supposed to take no greater delight than in calling out my greatest insecurities. You’re supposed to pick me apart, one weakness at a time, until I’m nothing._

_YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME._

_I’m sending along an unopened dungbomb with this letter in the hopes you’ll activate it and send it back to me as a prank._

_Your archrival,_

 

_Draco Malfoy_

 

* * *

  

**Monday 28th July 1997**

 

_Malfoy,_

_Thanks for the dungbomb. I used it on my cousin._

_What if I don’t want to pick you apart? I don’t want you to feel as though you’re nothing. Is that how you want me to feel?_

_This archrival thing doesn’t appeal to me. Also, if you really were my rival, you wouldn’t be trying to help me make fun of you. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to cheer me up. Sorry, but hurting you won’t make me happy. (Although I will admit the photo of you tripping up the stairs was pretty enjoyable.)_

_Your (sort of?) friend,_

 

_Harry_

 

* * *

  

**Tuesday 29th July 1997**

 

_Potter,_

_You’ve completely disregarded my script and taken us way off course. We can’t go from archrivals to sort of friends. That’s absurd._

_Since you’re incapable of following instruction, I have given up on feeding you material for insults. Instead, I am sending across every Witch Weekly edition since 1992 with a Harry Potter article. (These will come in batches attached to a number of owls since it’s basically every edition.) Please note the detail in the margins._

_Your neutral acquaintance,_

 

_Draco Malfoy_

_P.S. Of course, I don’t want you to feel like you’re nothing. Don’t be dramatic. I'm also sending across a bouquet of flowers just to prove how wrong you are. I hope they make you feel very silly._

 

* * *

 

**Tuesday 29th July 1997**

 

_Malfoy,_

_Those magazines were heavy. I hope your owls are alright?_

_While I appreciate that you’ve scratched out every offhand remark any journalist has made about me, did you really need to go after Rita Skeeter like that just because she said my hair was “gorgeous but in need of a cut?”_

_And have you really been sketching my face since Witch Weekly’s 17th July 1994 release? How have we spent years in rivalry when you’ve been doodling my face (with impeccable shading of my scar) in the margins of your Witch Weekly magazine every week?_

_Your friend,_

 

_Harry_

_P.S. The flowers didn't make me feel silly at all. Thank you._

 

* * *

 

**Wednesday 30th July 1997**

 

_Potter,_

_Not every week. There was a period last year when Witch Weekly didn’t mention you for a whole month._

_Also, Skeeter deserved it. Your hair is perfect the way it is._

_Since you’re so keen on being my friend, I’ve enclosed box tickets to the Wasps vs. Tornados game tomorrow night. It’s only a friendly but I’m told it’ll be a close game. Do you think you could sneak out? I can meet you outside your house?_

_Your friend,_

 

_Draco_

 

* * *

 

**Wednesday 30th July 1997**

 

_Malfoy,_

_I can sneak out._

_I know you wouldn’t know this but it’s my birthday tomorrow. I’m so relieved to get out of the house. Thanks for this._

_Your friend,_

 

_Harry_

 

* * *

 

**Thursday 31st July 1997**

 

_Harry,_

_You absolute idiot. Of course I know it’s your birthday today._

_Full disclosure on the gift I'm sending across: I didn’t bake it. I’m terrible in the kitchen. Although, I did ice it myself._

_See you tonight. <3_

_Your friend,_

 

_Draco_

 

* * *

 

**Thursday 31st July 1997**

 

_Harry,_

_Sorry, that heart in the last letter was ill-advised. Disregard it._

_Your friend,_

 

_Draco_

 

* * *

 

**Thursday 31st July 1997**

 

_Draco,_

_The cake was delicious._

_See you tonight. <3_

_Your (maybe more than?) friend,_

 

_Harry_

 


End file.
